"You can't get it together." "What's wrong with you? You can't wear any of your clothes and look nice!" "Everyone else can lose weight. You just aren't strong enough." "Loser!!!"
Ugh! This kind of talks brings me down....
I'm taking this class called "Soul Restoration". One of the main points of the class is the importance of telling the TRUTH to ourselves. Now I know that everything I've been telling myself is false. I know that. But it's so easy to fall into this trap isn't it? Why is it so hard to give ourselves a pat on the back and so easy for us to be mean and cruel?
We are supposed to weigh at Noon today for our Biggest Loser Challenge at the gym. I know my husband has a loss...a pretty good one. But me? Maybe another pound...maybe. I am sooo proud and happy for Dave yet frustrated. He eats so differently than me yet continues to melt away. Yes, I am frustrated.
I think what makes me the maddest is that I DID lose 15 pounds last spring. I was on the top of the world...then I ate my way back. Same old story.
I'm not giving up. No, that's not my style. Instead I will make a few new goals for the week to re-energize me and get me back on the path.
Without a struggle, I guess we wouldn't really appreciate our achievements either - but why oh why - lol. One thing that makes me laugh is that we all think that way and I believe we are all too hard on ourselves. It's a constant battle, but worth the fight. Soul restoration sounds cool. I think we could all use a little. Fall down six times, get up seven...I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteWhat do I do when I struggle? When I screw up in the past and it comes into my mind I think, "Stop. The past is the past and there is nothing I can do about it. Concentrate what you can do in the here and now, because that's all you've got to work with." :)
Hugs, Leslie. I think you are amazing. Kind and thoughtful and supportive and creative and a great writer. Funny how hard we can be on ourselves. I wish I had a good answer to your question. I have struggled a lot this past year. Been discouraged, as you are, with regaining. Kicked myself. Told myself to let go the past is past. Sigh. I keep coming back to the blog world. When I struggle I find comfort here. And inspiration.
ReplyDeleteDo you read Ellen's blog, Fat Girl Wearing Thin? She has an interesting challenge about the whole self-hate dialogue.
Leslie---I can totally relate to what you’re going thru. I have been there before and I know is not easy! You have to believe in yourself and ignore the negative comments of your brain---make a conscious effort to replace them with positive ones. When I face a struggle (and trust me, happens to all of us) I no longer let my brain attack me. Rather, I decide to “let go” of that moment where/when I felt like ive “fallen” and decide move forward/get back on track as soon as possible. This has worked for me. It takes practice but it can be done. Also, keeping a [written] food journal works wonders! Ive been meaning to write a post about my food journal on my blog because its something that’s help me tremendously! I will get around to it soon. But remember—its all about making a conscious effort to think positive and get back on the saddle no matter what! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteYes, we all think like that to ourselves from time to time. It's easier to beat ourselves up then to forgive ourselves and start over. That's what I try to do, just begin again. But I struggle with it too, everyday. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh Les. I could have written this post this morning. I was having a bad self talk day myself. But like you, I am just gonna stop that silliness and move forward with faith and strength. I am blessed to know you, dear friend!
ReplyDeleteGirl, estrogen is a bitch-don't compare your loss to a man's, you'll lose every time! And yes I agree it is important to be truthful with yourself and not sugar coat things, but we are our own worst critics, and sometimes I think we need to be a bit more Paula and a bit less Simon. You get my drift? Easier said than done, but if we don't constructively criticize ourselves, no one will do it for us. When I struggle with my inner demons, I try on some smaller clothes, even if they don't quite fit yet I'm reminded of how I couldn't even get them over my fat ass a few months ago-it renews my energy because again I realize WHY I keep going...
ReplyDeletePolar's Mom
www.polarspage.blogspot.com
Leslie, I was told by my counselor to get this book called "When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair". I have found it to be a great read and it is really helpful in batting away self doubt and discouragement. I think you would enjoy it immensely! Hang in there gal!
ReplyDeleteNicole
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI was feeling this way yesterday so tomorrow will be better! Hang in there, girl!
Mer
That's why I hate scales! If the results are good, I'm like, "whew, now I can eat this" and if their bad? "Well, what does eating this matter anyway!" LOL. Why is it so much easier for boys? NOT fair! BUT you are beautiful just the way you are . . . So sorry to hear about your baby this morning. I am thinking of you, xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, dear friend. One day at a time ... and TODAY is a NEW DAY!! I believe in you - I'm here for you - and together we will be healthier in the new year! Much love!
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